A year ago, I wouldn’t have listened to what I’m about to say. I heard some of the same things and laughed. Then I moved on, living the same (insecure) life. Eventually, I realized that nothing was going to change until I made the change. So I forced myself into trying these things, and now I can confidently tell you that they’ve improved my life tremendously.
Most of these concepts will seem obvious. On the other hand, in some of these, it’s likely that you won’t feel comfortable the first time.. or for a while. You may not even get anything out of it in the first couple attempts. You have to keep an open mind, be extremely honest with yourself, and genuinely try to put yourself in the mindset.
With all of that said.. Here’s what I got for ya.
Be productive. At first, this seemed unrelated to confidence – but this was the number one thing that helped me. If you’re staying productive, you’re accomplishing things, and the feeling of accomplishment manifests many other things. Personally, I feel strong and capable, I feel like I gave purpose to the day, and I contributed to something – which in turn, makes me feel good or proud of myself.
Stay healthy. I started a “health journey” because I wanted to look good. And I’m not gonna lie to you, it feels better to look better.. but that’s not the best part. The reason that I continued is because of how it made me feel. I felt confident because I was strong enough to show up everyday. I was confident in the fact that I worked hard to earn the better body. – It’s weird because your mental state affects your physical state, and vice versa. If you mentally tell yourself that you can do something (ex: 10 push-ups), then 9 times out of 10, you’re gonna find the strength to get them done. Then you leave stronger. On the other hand, when your physical health improves, it makes you feel healthier and proud of the work you put in. The point is: When you put in the work to feel better about yourself, you’ll be proud and confident.
Dress confidently. This one is simple. At least for me.. If I know that I look like crap, I feel like crap. I don’t want people seeing me like that! I obviously don’t dress to impress on a daily basis, because sometimes getting out of bed on time is the victory.. but I usually try to at least do something that makes me feel a little more confident. These can be super simple things, like putting on a necklace, or even just spraying a perfume that I really like. You don’t have to look like a model every time you leave the house, but at least do something to avoid feeling like hiding in the corner whenever you’re in public.
Realize that social media doesn’t represent real life. People say this all the time, but it’s true. You never know how many tries it took to get the perfect picture or how long it took to edit. It’s especially not always obvious when women edit to change their features. And a lot of times, we don’t personally know these people. We don’t know how they truly live, what they go through, etc..
Know that we all bring different things to the table. There are people with 100k on Instagram who are jealous of the women finishing their masters degree, and vice versa. Some of us want to lose 20 pounds while others want curves. So it’s okay to know you aren’t perfect and it’s okay to want something different for yourself – but also realize what you bring to the table and what makes you worthy.
Focus on solutions, not problems. Focusing on what you ‘lack’ and constantly feeling sorry for yourself will never make you better. I always used to think, “Oh, well I have depression so I’ll always be sad” or “I can’t get better because I have depression.”… BS. That was me (unknowingly) throwing myself a pity party. Once I asked myself what I could do better – I focused on positive thoughts and improving, and I literally pulled myself out of my own depression. Once you’re able to focus on the good, and how to improve what you want to change, you don’t stay in the insecure mindset of I’m not _, or I can’t _.
— Alright, we’ve gotten through the somewhat obvious concepts. Now, I need you to have a little bit of faith in what I’m about to say..
Write down affirmations.. Everywhere. I swear, I thought I’d never heard a dumber idea in my life. Writing something like, “I am worthy” on my mirror sounded SO stupid. And yes, if you write that on your mirror and just stare at it, it is kinda stupid.. But what I didn’t understand was that you have to dig deeper and genuinely think about what you write down. You should apply the statement to your life. Why is it true for you, or how can you make it become true? I went from thinking “Oh, I’m worthy? Yeah.. ok.” to “I’m worthy because I always try my best, I care for others, etc.” Writing these things down, makes you search for the reasons that these positive things are (or can become) true for you.
Write down the things you like about yourself. When I tried for the first time, I couldn’t think of a single freaking thing. Eventually, I made myself sit there until I thought of 3. I sat there for an uncomfortable amount of time, but I finally wrote, “I like my eyes, I am proud of how I care for others, and I don’t easily give up.” I wrote that years ago.. But it’s still stuck in my mind. So, even if you don’t think you’ll find a single thing, sit down until you hit 3. Once you’ve found those things, appreciate them and find out how you can take advantage of those positive aspects.
So, those are the main things that helped me start to believe in my capabilities and grow some confidence! Having self confidence is extremely important, and a gradual process, so be patient with yourself!! I hope you will find some of these concepts helpful, or at least feel inspired to look more into it!
See you next week 🙂